Will open relationship make you happy?
How can shagging with multiple people not make you happy? Well, that is a possibility if you dive into non-monogamy without thinking it through. Despite being a lot of fun, dating more than one person can be a challenge, and it’s not for everyone. So, how to know if open relationship will make you happy?
What is an open relationship?
Consensual (ethical) non-monogamy has many forms. Some people practice it as open relationship, some as polyamory, others like swinging, and some choose poly-mono hybrid relationship. Still, all of these arrangements have something in common. They all imply that people involved can explore sexual and/or romantic connections with multiple people at once.
The existence of one primary relationship and one or more secondary partners is characteristic of open relationships. Couples who decide to open their relationship, or who are in an open relationship from the beginning, agree that it’s okay to fuck other people.
Usually, open relationships are about sex, and partners in the primary relationship don’t seek emotional connections with people outside that relationship. In that case, an open relationship is limited to the sexual aspect. This type of non-monogamy normally doesn’t include hanging out with your partner’s other partners, like polyamorous people often do.
What do scientists say?
There have been some interesting studies about whether open relationship will make someone happy. The results vary slightly from research to research, but most agree on one thing: there are no downsides to a successful non-monogamous relationship.
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships discovered that people who are more sexually satisfied by their secondary partner are also happier in general with their primary relationship. It also revealed that a certain number of those who practice non-monogamy seek out secondary relationships because they want to expand their sexual experience and not because they are unsatisfied in their primary relationship.
Another research published in Psychology & Sexuality discovered that non-monogamous couples are up to 20 percent happier on average. Possible reasons for that might be that people are generally happier if all their needs are satisfied. And that is easier to achieve when you have more than one partner to satisfy your various needs. This research also indicates that people with multiple consensual lovers have better self-esteem, more passion, and greater satisfaction with life. Also, they tend to suffer less from anxiety, stress, depression.
According to these and other studies, people in open relationships are generally happier than people who practice monogamy. Also, couples who used to practice monogamy but have decided to open their relationships report being more content than before.
What’s the catch?
Opening your relationship won’t make you happy if you are in an unsuccessful monogamous relationship or are unhappy with your life in general.
All non-monogamous relationships are based on mutual trust and respect. If you and your partner don’t get along well anymore, if there is no more chemistry, if the relationship feels like it’s coming to an end, you should know that opening it to other people will rarely solve the problems. A more likely scenario is that it will fall apart completely.
Many couples decide to fuck other people in a desperate attempt to save their crumbling relationship. And that usually doesn’t work. Instead, it’s wiser to first fix the issues between the couple, and then open the relationship.
How to know if it’s for you?
As you can see, some people opt for non-monogamy for the wrong reasons. And that rarely ends well. There is always a risk, but you can make sure it’s minimal by thinking ahead. These are some things to consider if you are thinking about whether or not this type of relationship is for you.
If you and your partner have a good relationship and both genuinely want to try non-monogamy, that is a great first step. If one of you is not sure they can stand to see the other one with someone else, then it might not be such a good idea. In case you are currently single, try to imagine a relationship where your lover openly and regularly bangs someone else. Does that awake the green-eyed monster? Can you handle the jealousy?
Despite what many believe, non-monogamous people do feel jealous from time to time, just like anyone else. The only difference is that they learn to deal with it. They learn to understand that emotion and talk about it openly.
It’s important to note that open relationships require a lot of communication and honesty (more than any other type of relationship). So, if you’re not ready to talk your ass off, then you can’t expect success.
Sex is your biggest problem
One of the signs that an open relationship can make you happy is if you and your lover have mismatched kinks or libidos. When one person enjoys fetishes or hardcore bondage, and the other is only comfortable with vanilla, it’s hard to find a compromise. Also, if one has a high sex drive and the other prefers fucking every first Friday in a month, neither will be satisfied. Sometimes, people in these kinds of situations decide to break up. Still, it’s a shame to end a relationship if every other aspect of it is good.
So, opening it for other people can be a solution here. That way, both partners can be fulfilled sexually. Plus, that can potentially make the primary relationship even better. How? If you and your partner satisfy your sexual need outside the relationship, that leaves more room for meeting other needs (such as emotional). However, that is only possible if the relationship already has a good foundation.
Non-monogamy VS monogamy
Both non-monogamy and monogamy have their perks and their downsides. In this matter, neither one is better or worse. Neither one is right or wrong. The only things that really matter are what you feel comfortable with and how much work you are willing to put into it. If you’ve been monogamous your whole life and wonder if an open relationship could make you happy, here is a little list of the pros and cons of open relationships.
- More satisfying sex life
- Less stress
- Richer sexual experience
- Better relationship with primary partner
- Better than cheating
- Hard finding time for everyone
- Requires lots of work
- Can be emotionally risky if you don’t think it through
Will open relationship make you happy?
Statistically speaking, people in non-monogamous relationships do feel happier than monogamous couples. Maybe it’s because they openly act on their desires instead of suppressing them or acting on them in secrecy. When you think about it, telling your loved one you’re going to fuck your Tinder date is much better than sneaking around and cheating. There is definitely less tension and guilt that way. Plus, everyone’s sexual needs are satisfied.
However, opening your relationship will not fix the existing problems you and your partner have. If you want to try it for this purpose, then you will probably fail. On the other hand, if your goal is to have a more fulfilling sex life, fuck many sexy people, and orgasm harder than ever, then this type of relationship can make you happy.